My Story

Tony ArribasI am a carer for my Mum who has Dementia.

Being a Carer for someone who is "losing their mind," and to someone you love dearly at the same time can produce challenging thinking, which in turn produces challenging emotions. Yet, where I go from that moment now is significantly different to where I would have gone 4 years ago.

Four years ago I came across an understanding that has probably, in all honesty, saved me from a breakdown. An understanding that had probably already saved me many times, but now I could see it clearer, how I create my reality moment to moment from the inside out.

For the next 2 years I cried tears of joy, knowing that I didn't have to do things on the outside to make me feel better on the inside. I could forgive my stepfather for what he did to me, knowing he was living in a torturous self created world, stuck in the "outside in" illusion of reality.

The more I see the illusion on a daily basis, the more life just flows along. It's not an intellectual seeing, it's a knowing beyond everything I have ever experienced in this physical form. This wisdom is always available to me at any moment, there is no queue to get into, it's just occasionally I think that I need to believe my thinking is important, and that it means more to me than it does. Just the ego having it's say during my thinking day.

The difference is that now I have more say in whether it sticks around for longer than it should, or not.

In my caring role that has meant that I am more accepting of where I am in the moment now. Before my thinking was telling me how bad my life was, and that Mum would somehow miraculously get better, and would not keep asking or repeating the same thing every few minutes which would drive me up the wall... and back!

Now, I can say what is on my mind with more understanding, and when it comes with a bad feeling sometimes, I can forgive myself in an instant. The feeling is key, and always comes from the way we are thinking.

Mum and I are closer now because I can allow my feelings to self correct, knowing that it's not my circumstances where they are coming from, but from deep inside me. I am always okay, no matter what is happening outside of me, and that means I have more space to naturally connect with the person I am caring for.

Tony Arribas

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  • published this page in Blog 2016-09-07 22:53:20 -0400