Nine months ago I decided to separate from my boyfriend. We have been almost five years together and he was family. Though for some strange reason I decided to let him go. Now I can't see the reasons anymore... I remember vaguely that it was related to him not wanting to have children or marry or maybe it was because he didn't earn enough money? I don't know... It was a lot of negative thinking back then. And also the thrill of meeting someone new! Yes! That amount of adrenaline and unknown secrets...I met my actual husband and with the glasses that I had back then he seemed to be everything I wished for. Oau! Was I not lucky! Everything happened very fast... separation, me remaining alone with my son and struggling to manage job, household, private life. Being managing director at a company, travelling and working a lot didn't make things very easy; I was so missing the support of my ex-partner and his parents.
Then my new partner moved over (he is from another country) and everything which should look better looked worse!!! He was moody and not sociable and instead of getting help I had to give some more help. We discussed what we thought went wrong and it looked even more wrong. We married because he couldn't else prolong his visa or was it also for another reason?Read more
Earlier this year, my husband whom I’ve been with for over thirty years, had a health scare. Whilst waiting for tests and test results there was six weeks of angst, fear and sadness. It was incredibly hard to function in the family, and at work. My thoughts were a constant whirlwind of emotions, blowing up a tsunami of overwhelming feelings that I felt out of control of.
My husband sadly died, the funeral was about to take place; I'd picked the outfit and chosen the last song to see him on his way. The house was in the process of being sold to pay for my three daughters' future university needs, and I was left the lonely grieving widow contemplating giving up her job to pay full attention to the children to make up for their loss. I could not bear the smell of fresh coffee because I associated it with him so strongly and would weep at any song that reminded me of him.
These reactions would seem fairly common within the grieving process, apart that is, for the fact, that my husband was alive, sitting across from me eating his dinner, smiling, happily listening to his music and making his coffee. I think it would be fair to state that I was a proper head case!Read more
A lot of shame and insecure thinking arises trying to share my transformation story. I realise all my hardships were self-inflicted, like I played the victim and the culprit. It was all my own fault and actually there were never any hardships in the first place, it was all just down to the way I was seeing things.
Luckily I can see the innocence and the misunderstanding in my previous perspective and it makes me appreciate the transformation all the more. The fact is when you see things differently, your world changes.Read more
Straight "A" student, loads of friends, good career, pretty (their words not mine!), nice house, fab car, great holidays, financially stable, successful in sports, practical, creative and with two gorgeous sons. But I had been domestically abused by 22, was divorced at 33, lived in 15 houses in 16 years and had been a teacher, police officer and social care worker all in less than a decade.
It seems obvious when written in black and white, but I was eternally hunting for my missing thing. I didn’t know what it was and I couldn’t find it however hard I looked.Read more
From as far back as I can remember life always felt pretty crap!
Around the age of 10/11 my mum and dad split up and I didn't seem to deal with it very well and from then things seemed to get worse.
I remember starting to smoke at age 14, trying to be cool and hang out with the other cool kids to fit in and not get bullied. That didn't work... being bullied 3 times at school made me hate the place and I couldn't wait to leave and get a job!Read more